Looking for racism

"Wow, you're really good at using chopsticks!" How many times do non Japanese hear this casual compliment while living in Japan? Well, hearing the same comments over and over - being asked if you can eat natto or being complimented on your language skills when all you've said is a simple arigato - can get grating, as Debito Arudou writes in his latest Just Be Cause on the Japan Times.

Personally, however, I don't really give a crap about comments about chopsticks or natto, or similar things. You usually get stuff like this from people just meeting you anyway, so either ignore it or give a perfunctory response if you don't care about them, or if you do want to know them better, give a meaningful response and move on.

When I say a meaningful response, I don't mean chiding them about their rudeness, or even a declaration of your wonderfulness as a person - "Yes, as a matter of fact I've been using chopsticks since I was 15 because I ate a lot of Chinese food back home," for example (a line I used to toss out until I realized it made me, in fact, come across as a big douche).

A meaningful response is an answer that shows you're a real person but doesn't just focus on you. Have a real conversation. If they ask if you can eat natto give a simple yes, and then ask about their food habits. I think a lot of times, especially early on when you live in a foreign country, it's easy to take on the role of the super super special star and assume it's all about you. But if you do plan on forming a real bond with the person it shouldn't be that way. Think about how you talk to people back home. If you're modifying your stance towards others because you are in a foreign country, maybe you need to rethink things a bit.

Now, that being said, I would like to touch on one of the agressions Arudou mentions that is a big issue - the casual way we are often addressed, such as being referred to by first name in the workplace or without honorifics that a Japanese person would get.

There is no easy way to deal with this. I try to just be professional about it. I don't go by my first name at work - never have - so whether people refer to me in English or Japanese it naturally feels more correct to have an honorific Mr. or -San or -Sensei applied to my name. That helps some, but it can be tough and can be a real source of stress. How do you deal with a brand new coworker who uses polite language with everyone except you, because you are the foreigner? If you need to interact with them, I'd say the best way is to battle ignorance with politeness, but it can get old quickly.

In general, though, I would say that you do have to pick your battles. Don't go soft, and don't just assume that you have to put up with soft (or blatant) racism because that's just the way it is. But it is way too taxing emotionally to live your life in a huff.

For another point of view on the same subject, I recommend you read long term resident of Japan Brian Ashcroft's post up at Kotaku.